A Zen state of mind - conquering the fear

“In surfing, when wiping out or being held under for a long time, prudent advice is to relax instead of fighting against the churning white-water. This can be an effective way to ward off mental panic.”

This is what I have tried to practise in the last week. Prior to that, with so much information flooding in it had been difficult to keep my head above water. I was drawn into the melee, thrashing around, trying to grab at every lifeline, every hope of defeating ‘the swell’. I didn’t want this to be happening to me, I didn’t want to deal with this for the rest of my life and, yes, I felt the panic rising.

Guides, pamphlets and DVDs covering lymphoedema management and self-help exercises dropped through the letter box onto the mat, and there I was, like a waiting hound, sniffing out all the information I could. I spent hours scouring websites, researching products, snatching at any techniques I could that might make ‘it’ go away, all to the point of obsession. I guess this response is not unusual, certainly it’s a characteristic that I have; when a dear school friend of mine died of cancer in her late twenties I spent two years thereafter devouring every book I could find about death and dying so I could rationalise how I was feeling!

Luckily sense started to prevail; I was wearing myself out and my poor partner was bearing the brunt. She even christened it “Lympho-mania”. I’m a great believer in fate and in the last two years my life has been enriched by my cycling buddy, Coach and on-hand Buddhist, Helen.  She was the one that came to the rescue.

I’m sure she could sense the unhealthy energy and duly set up a Coach-Athlete meeting, ostensibly to chat over ‘Competitive Goals for 2011 and Lymphoedema Management’ but more probably to get me onto a steadier emotional path. Over latte (soya, decaf for her, the full-on caffeine blast for me) we devised a plan. I relaxed, the emotional waters stopped churning and suddenly blue skies and bright sunshine were visible again.

 There wasn’t any rocket science in our plan; although as with anything to do with Helen, there is always scientific rigour and discipline (she’s almost as much of a maths head as I am). We listed my first goal as the HotChillee organised London2Paris event in June (www.londres-paris.com). (My 2^nd is the UK National Hill Climb competition in October, but more on that another time). 23 weeks between then and now; 23 weeks to control my condition and get me in peak form for riding 520K over 3 days at an average speed of 33-36 kph. Clearly the number one priority is to control the Lymphoedema, but what exactly does this mean. Well, we aim to find out. We have designated a twelve week testing phase, comprising of 4 blocks of 3 weeks. Keeping my training stress pretty constant throughout this period, we will introduce a different ‘management’ technique in every new block. We aim to quantify and document which work, and which don’t. We are in week one of the first three-week cycle and while it’s hard to hold back and not grab at techniques that I firmly believe will help now, at least this way I have a systematic plan to follow. And at the end of the 12 week period we will have a much better handle on controlling ‘the swell’ and will know for sure rather than just guessing. Then the fun can start; 11 weeks of building my fitness for London2Paris.